


pissboy takumi goes to his first black hole party

by booboolius



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, Parties, hot tubs, some kagero/orochi but not enough to put it on the tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 04:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booboolius/pseuds/booboolius
Summary: black hole parties are the ones that boys' soccer players and cheerleaders go to and takumi's lazy untalented ass doesn't do either





	

The time was 9:53pm; Friday night. Takumi had just pulled his Tesla into Hinata’s neighborhood as his custom Deep Sea iPhone 7s Plus Maps app had instructed him. He seldom went to visit his friend at his house because it was so inferior to his, but tonight was an exception. Takumi had been invited to a party! His very first one since the cursed piss incident. Finally, he drove up on the sidewalk closest to Hinata’s house and parked. He would've preferred to park in the driveway like an intellectual but there were tons of cars parked in the four-car driveway and all along the street—which was shocking because Takumi didn't think Hinata even had that many friends, but that was neither here nor there.  
As Takumi approached the front door, he heard some laughter and screams along with incredibly loud bass. He raised his hand as if to knock on the door but paused as he realized the door was slightly agape.  
Upon entering the house, Takumi was exposed to an entirely new part of the Hoshidan Academy that he'd never seen before. Soccer players and cheerleaders were scattered all across the house doing what student athletes do: downing hard liquor and playing bar games like darts. This was his first black hole party.  
While Takumi was struggling to take in his surroundings, he felt a strong arm sling over his shoulder. He flinched. “Yo, Takumi! Glad you could make it!”  
“Oh, Hinata,” said Takumi, slithering out from under his friend. “You didn't tell me this would be a…” he lowered his voice and leaned in, “...sport party.”  
Hinata laughed wholeheartedly. “Man, what'd you expect? I don't throw lame parties.” He grabbed Takumi by the wrist and dragged him past the foyer and deeper into his home. “Pool’s out back, darts are upstairs, booze and edibles are in the kitchen but if you have any you gotta stay the night, yeah? There’s a pool table in the basement and on the patio. Oh, and there are two bathrooms on every floor—”  
“Why'd you tell me that,” Takumi interrupted, visibly embarrassed.  
Hinata shrugged. “So you know where they are?”  
But Takumi wouldn't have any of it. He turned and abruptly marched away. Even his own friend kinda was making fun of him. Takumi hated being the butt of the joke. He only liked making fun of people but when it was his turn to get made fun of he suddenly became a crytyper.  
Now he was upstairs. Along the way he overheard that the music in the background were the songs from Subaki’s most recent mixtape. It really wasn't too terrible, but he'd never admit that.  
About 15 athletes crowded around the dartboard even though only five were actually playing. Littered across the nearest table were dozens of shot glasses brimming with multi-colored alcohols. A cheerleader watching from the sideline, Orochi, saw him out of the corner of her eye. “Did you want to play or something?” she asked skeptically.  
“Uh, yeah,” Takumi nodded, smug. “I’m a master at darts.”  
The other athletes turned to look at him too and some smiled like they were about to burst out laughing. Orochi sighed as she scooted herself off the windowsill. Balancing a nearby dart between her fingers, she carefully brought it up before her face and then flung it towards the board. It hit the circle right outside of the bullseye. “See that?” She reached down and took a shot. “That's one shot. The further you get from the bullseye, the more shots you gotta drink. Bullseye means no shots.”  
Takumi half-shoved, half-slipped past the others and picked up a single dart, then threw it at the board; bullseye. He smirked. “Heh.” Everyone stared at him for maybe a second before continuing the game.  
But every time his turn rolled around, he hit a bullseye. Everyone was impressed. “How'd you get so good at darts?” asked Saizo, who was drunkenly doing pull-ups on the nearest door frame.  
Effortlessly hitting another bullseye, Takumi scoffed, “I’m president of the school’s archery club.” Almost instantly, everyone groaned and rolled their eyes in unison.  
Kagero nearly materialized in the room. “Hey Orochi I’m headin to In-n-Out do you want to come with m—”  
“AH!” shouted Takumi, pissing his pants a bit.  
Everyone was silent for a moment. Then Saizo shouted, “Pissboy Takumi does it again!” and they all erupted into hearty laughter. Overcome with shame, Takumi pushed past Kagero and sprinted to the nearest empty bathroom to cry.  
Takumi’s sobs were drowned out by the sound of laughter and Subaki’s tape. His wet palms slipped all over his wet teary face as he tried to wipe the waterfall of wet tears away.  
The door opened, and in entered Azama. “Hey Pissboy,” he smiled, dropping a towel in the sink. “Would you mind leaving? I’d like to use the toilet to avoid making the same mistake you did.”  
Takumi glared at him out of the corner of his teary eyes and stood up abruptly, marching towards the door. “I’m leaving because I want to, not because you told me to,” he chimed as he exited.  
“Thank you,” said Azama. “Oh! And if you wanted to wash that piss off, you could always head to the master bathroom at the end of the hall.” Then he slammed the door shut before either could say anything else.  
Sighing deeply, Takumi waddled down the hall, careful to avoid contact with other athletes, and entered the master bedroom. It was huge! And also not what he was looking for. After sifting through Hinata’s parents’ linen closet for a towel of the ideal thread count, he approached the mostly-closed door that led to the bathroom and opened it.  
On the other side was none other than Izana, sitting in the bathtub and snorting cocaine off the rim. The lights were off and several candles illuminated the room. It was clear someone else was in the sudsy bathtub as well but he couldn't tell who. He paused mid-line and smiled up at Takumi. “Hey man! Isn't this party the best?” Izana finished snorting his current line and exhaled loudly, sinking further into the tub. Now pointing down at the tub, he asked, “Have you tried this yet? The jets are so gentle yet powerful, and the temperature feature is to die for!” He waved his hand around as he spoke.  
Trying to avoid eye contact, Takumi replied, “Uh—”  
Ryoma emerged from the other end of the tub. “Hey do you have any more edibles by you or should I go downstairs to get some more?”  
Takumi’s jaw dropped. “Big Brother??”  
“Oh shit,” said Ryoma, not making any effort to move or do anything really. There wasn't much he could do anyway. “Just get outta here okay!” And out sprinted Takumi. Ryoma sighed, resting his palm on his forehead as he sunk back into the tub as well. “What if I lose my scholarship now?”  
Izana waved a carefree hand. “Shut the fuck up, you’re rich, you could pay for college without it.”  
As he ran out into the hallway, Takumi bumped into Kagero. “Jeez, watch where you’re—oh it's you.” He sneered.  
“Hinata found out about the incident and said I should apologize for whatever reason before I go.” She adjusted her Valentino Small Rockstud Flap Crossbody purse and shrugged. “So here I am.”  
He raised his eyebrows. “Oh, so you're sorry now?”  
“No,” said Kagero. “I’m not at fault at all. You’re a senior, you shouldn't be pissing yourself anymore.”  
Orochi peeked her head out from around the corner. “Kagero darling! Your friend and his brother are outside in the car waiting for us.”  
Kagero whipped her head back. “Seriously? I didn't invite either of them.” She groaned and jogged over to Orochi and then down the stairs. “Kaze always drives too slow. He’ll make what should be a five minute car ride into a fifteen minute one.”  
“That's his name?” said Orochi, gripping the rail for support. “I HATE how he always insists on being the ‘designated driver’ or whatever. Hell, I bet I’d be better off driving us to In-n-Out!”  
Kagero eyed her skeptically. “I saw you take five shots in less than sixty seconds earlier so, absolutely not.”  
Takumi eventually followed suit and trudged downstairs, embarrassed and ashamed. Before he could reach the front door, he was stopped again by Hinata. “Hey, uh, Takumi.” He held out a freshly ironed pair of pants. “I thought you might wanna take these. Y’know, to change into and all that.”  
Scowling, Takumi snatched the pants from Hinata’s hands. “I know what to do with pants, thank you,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’m not an idiot.” And he slammed the door shut behind him.  
Hinata sighed, shaking his head. Now he’d have to clean up the trail of piss that Takumi most likely left throughout his house.  

**Author's Note:**

> he never returned those pants


End file.
